Astro in 🗽 the City: The Androgynous Aquarius.

My love for my favorite show, Sex and the City, inspired this series about my experiences dating different astrological sun signs. I dedicate this series to all lovers who value transparency about relationships, hoping to transfer wisdom to others, become a better person, and never give up on falling or being in love.

Being from New York City, people you never thought you would date become an option in your dating pool. To be "open-minded" like a true liberal northeasterner, you take a chance and go with the unconventional. When I was in my early 20s, I enjoyed hanging out with the artsy and androgynous; you know, the people who had so much to contribute to the culture with their art, the ones who weren't conventionally attractive but were utterly sexy, the ones who explained why we should be anti-capitalist, the ones who defended being polyamorous or justifying why it was okay to sleep with someone else's boyfriend, or making excuses for not having a regular job due to needing ample time to find themselves. At this moment in time, I enjoyed listening to them and their unique perspectives on life and admired their "authenticity" at a time when it was common for many people to be just that, common! The truth is, they were different and dared to stand in it. And try as I might, as much as I wanted to be like them, I could not pull it off in the same way. And even though New York was known for its eclectic personalities, none stood out more than the Androgynous Aquarius.

The Androgynous Aquarius is one of a kind because they can be appealing in various social circles. They are intelligent in a way that you're often surprised by how much they know, and even when you don't always agree with their perspectives, you tend to ponder on their ideas a lot longer than you give them credit for. They are natural conversationalists and have a talent for discussing topics that no one would bring up, a fashion sense that is desirable or unforgettable, and are usually grossly creative and innovative. The androgynous Aquarius stands out. Period. If you're lucky, you may come across one in your twenties that inspires you to be yourself; if you're not so fortunate, they may disappoint you like no other. And if you're supreme, you can experience both sides of this elevated air sign. I had the opportunity to experience both!

The first person I fell in love with was an Aquarius. I was 19 years old then, and she had me at hello, well, more at her stank face. Yes, she was hard to read, but she was beautiful; she was light-skinned like Gina from Martin, tall with some great breasts, and these beautiful light pink lips that I would later discover were softened by Nivea Chapstick. Something in my spirit told me I would never meet someone else like her, and there was a reason she crossed my path. However, first, I would have to meet her! I kept running across her at school, in Soho, and on the train, and even though I could never take my eyes off her, she never noticed me. Seriously, she never noticed me! Aquarians can be genuinely aloof and disconnected from the world around them, and she was no different, especially in the beginning stages of me being mesmerized by her. One day, I was taking the D train downtown from 145th Street to Broadway-Lafayette, and I sat down to take my usual after-school nap before I headed to work; people continued to rush in as I had my head down, prepping myself to doze off, and something told me to look up at the person who just grabbed the pole that was attached to my seat. You guessed it; it was her live and in the flesh! She wasn't walking past me or three doors down at another Professor's class; she was there front and center. I knew I had to say something; it was now or never!

Our first brief encounter had me up all night! Yes, all night! Keep in mind I was a virgin at this time and never have been in love before. I know, so young and stupid! Haha. I spoke with her and discovered she produced music. We worked around the corner from one another in Soho, and we both transferred to our current university at the same time. She was witty, intelligent, and what we used to call in Queer circles, the ultimate AG. Her soft brown hair was loc'd, she wore baggy clothes, and she had some nice sneakers. Both women and gay men loved to look at her! She was the bee's knees and was incredibly insightful. Our following conversations involved discussing music, who our favorite artists were, where we came from, and spicier topics like what celebrities were in the Illuminati and if gay people were going to Hell, as implied by the Bible. As long as you had valid explanations for your theories, nothing was off-limits to talk about. It was truly stimulating, and our thought-provoking conversations led me to ask if we could be something more.

After she turned me down when I had asked her to be my Valentine, considering our genuine chemistry, we still managed to go out on a date after the fact! You have not lived if you've never fallen in love around your birthday! The high levels of euphoria are unmatched! Especially when you're dating an Aquarius who doesn't give a f*ck! Haha. Her "not giving a f*ck" did bother me half of the time, but the other times again, I valued her "authenticity." Overall, we had a good time and often saw each other during the week. We continued to engage in overly stimulating conversations, handled our disagreements on topics and specific behaviors, and got closer to one another. We always longed for one another, even when we should have given each other a break. The drama and overly passionate, sometimes aggressive moments were not precisely what I was looking for, but at the time, I read it as if this person cared for me. Did someone say trauma bonding? I did not notice it then because she would send me music and written messages via e-mail, take me out on dates, and constantly text me morning, afternoon, and night. It was a rollercoaster, but it was fun, and I loved kissing her! Eventually, she and I entered a committed relationship, and I even purchased matching promise rings to seal the deal! And as you know, in true Lesbian fashion, things started to go fast, quick, maybe faster than they should have, considering that I should have examined the messy details. That's the thing about the Androgynous Aquarius: you suddenly become the person who adopts the attitude that it's us against the world!

When I started dating my first love, she just got out of a relationship with one of her exes while still living with the other! I know, and that's not all. She worked with her most recent ex and was best friends with her first one! You may think this is beyond a hot mess, and I was in Red Flag Central, but what did I say earlier? Young and stupid. Haha! However, it took her no time to find her spot after we decided we were serious about being with one another. It would be best if you didn't think she was the only one with problems. For transparency's sake, I had my baggage, too. My family struggled with my Queerness and the fact that I was in a relationship with a young woman, so much so that my father had decided it was best for me to live on my own and figure myself out. At this point, it was easier for us to move together, and we went from living in Harlem to Crown Heights to eventually settling in a lovely apartment in Dyker Heights on the D line, where our love story first started. During these transitions, it was not easy.

We went from talking about every topic known to man to her having issues formulating her thoughts involving her emotions and always needing more time than I was willing to give "to think" before engaging in a much-needed conversation. Sometimes, the only way those conversations ended was in gift gifting as a form of apology or alarming silence that would make any person go insane. The honeymoon was over, and we had to explore some challenging issues with identity and family, what we wanted to do with our lives, and whether we could be in a healthy relationship with one another. One day, I will discuss what it's like to be in a relationship with an uber-attractive Aquarius and their tendency to flirt "unconsciously" or be flirted with; yes, I will save that for another time. Haha. The truth is, I was in love with her, and we've already been through so much. There was something good here, right? I found myself asking myself that question for far too many nights.

Particular topics of conversation were no longer insightful and humorous, as much as they were becoming triggering and hurtful. Not to mention, there was that big topic of friends. When you're dating an Androgynous Aquarius, you will get to know their friends, and if they are Queer, expect their friends to be treated and viewed as family. I had to overcome my natural confusion of being friends with the first-ever girlfriend, the need to invite the bestie on many of our date nights, and the disgust on her face when I no longer agreed with or saw her point of view. In our two-year relationship, there were a lot of ups and downs, and I knew by the end of it we were not the best fit for one another. Her uniqueness stopped being intriguing, and her thought patterns and expression started to terrify me! At the time, I felt I was dating someone I deeply loved but no longer liked. There were moments when I thought we were not on the same page and should have never been characters in the same book! The crazy part is, looking back, I realized that she was the one that did not change; I did. I was the one being something I was not. Sure, it could have been because she was beautiful, inspiring, unique, intelligent, funny, and controversial that had me going batshit crazy. Still, the truth is that I no longer recognized myself or how I got into this relationship because, unlike her, I was not myself; I was who I thought she would want to be with. I wondered if her never seeing me during the beginning stages had more to do with just being aloof. After my soul grew tired of being something I was not and no longer feeling happy in this connection, we were at the end of the road.

The thing about dating an Aquarius is that they are so good at being themselves, flaws and all. There is something extraordinary about an individual committed to being themselves and can detach from the world at a moment's notice. I was not as "evolved" to overlook the casualty of hanging around exes, forgiving easily after someone hurt me so many times, or only being able to see the story from my point of view to where another person's perspective became obsolete. The last time I spoke to her, we still struggled with our different experiences as we did not remember them the same way; she even called me a liar multiple times due to our distinct perspectives on what occurred during our relationship. Looking back, she was right. I was a liar. Maybe not in the way she was implying, but in the way that if I was being dishonest with myself, I was never genuinely okay with many dynamics, but I valued her more than my comfort. That life, with all its stimulation and randomness, was never me. It was never who I was, and just like Aquarius is so exceptional at curating their truth, I curated my own story with her. In other words, that relationship taught me that you can never or will never understand the world you're in until you can detach and fully understand who you are.

Even when an Aquarius does not tend to be a humanitarian or of service, they still serve a dose of reality to everyone who needs it. As water-bearers, they can cleanse and wash away the things blocking our eyes from objective truth! What have I learned from dating an Aquarius? It's okay to be yourself and try new things, but remember to discern who you are versus who you think you should be. I learned that being open-minded does not mean giving everything or everyone a chance, and you definitely won't if you truly know your values. Like I said, I valued the beautiful conversations, but I should have valued getting to know myself!

I am looking forward to having you on this journey with me.

Connect with you soon,

D.